One Weird, F*cked Up Day
by fadedLily
Summary: Rating is for adult themes and content. This is all meant to be in good fun. WARNING: INSANITY PREVAILS HERE. ~Complete~


One Weird F*cked Up Day  
By: IceQueen  
  
Warnings: This story contains the following IceQueen Madness:  
  
Yaoi & Yuri  
  
Drugs  
  
Sexual Themes  
  
And just all around craziness!  
  
Some people might hate me after reading this, but I don't really care. I wanted to write it, so... I AM! Big shocker....  


* * *

  
  
Ami sat on her computer, as usual, typing up a science report that wasn't due until April. Sighing as a headache began to pound fiercely behind her eyelids, she shut off the computer, took off her glass, and went into the adjoined bathroom.   
  
Rubbing her temple, Ami rummaged in the medicine cabinet for something useful. Suddenly, she came across it.   
  
It! The wonderful ever-so-holy IT! (Not the clown.)   
  
Ami yanked out the brown, glass bottle, and the syringe she kept with it.   
  
It had been a gift from her mother when she'd moved out on her own. Ami's mom had said if she was going to live with Usagi she would need this. Even she used it sometimes.   
  
It was just your everyday pain killer combination muscle relaxer.   
  
Ami pulled the cap off the syringe, and dipped it into the bottle, drawing into it the right amount of liquid.   
  
For a second her attention wandered, and she looked at the shower curtain, wondering who had used her shower because the curtain was on the opposite side she usually left it on.   
  
In that second her finger unknowingly jerked up on the syringe, filling it _way_ past the designated stopping point. Ami, completely oblivious to this mishap, jabbed it in her arm to digest the medicine.   
  
Throwing the syringe in the trash, Ami went back and continued her science report.   


* * *

  
  
Hours later as Quatre was walking down the hall he spotted Ami, staring intently at a painting. At least that's what he thought from far away.   
  
"Ami!" He cried happily, for the boy did have just a teensy little crush on her. Okay, so it's actually about the size of Jupiter, but it's all the same. (And no, not Jupiter's tits, even though they are quite large, Jupiter the planet.)   
  
"Mo Mamay.." Ami murmured, still staring at the painting.   
  
Quatre began jogging up to her, but stopped, recoiling in horror as he saw what she was actually doing. Ami was not staring at the painting, she was kissing it!  
  
Ami's delicate little face was pressed up against the copy of an old Renaissance painting, her lips touching the non-existent _nude _man in very... inappropriate places. (At least in little Quatre's mind...) Her tongue trailed across the paper, leaving a wet, sticky trail.   
  
All of the sudden, Quatre felt a stirring... in his nose! He put his hand up just in time to stop the waterfall of blood from getting onto the nice tan carpet. Screaming, Quatre ran off to the bathroom.   
  
Ami broke off from her make-out session with the piece of paper, looked at Quatre's retreating form, shrugged, and went back to kissing with renewed fervor.   


* * *

  
AN: ::falls over laughing:: Oh God! Poor little Quat! I feel so bad... NOT!   


* * *

  
  
Minako was pushed aside from the bathroom as a screaming Quatre rushed inside, his nose gushing blood.   
  
"Quatre!" She called, pounding madly on the door. "Quatre I've got to get in there! I'm about to burst!"   
  
She heard the sound of water running from the faucet inside as Quatre washed his hands and face.   
  
That was it. Minako couldn't take it anymore. Her control broke, and so did her bladder.   
  
There, on the beautiful, tan carpeting, Minako crunched her legs together, tried to make it stop, but it just kept coming!   
  
After she leaned down and sobbed, shaking her whole body, making her fall in the puddle of piss. (I don't know about you, but that sounds like a new band to me...)   
  
Just then Quatre chose to open the door, and let Minako in. He stared down at Minako and asked what happened.   
  
"You locked me out of the bathroom and I pissed myself!! You stupid jackass!"   
  
Mina grabbed the nearest thing she could find, which happened to be somebody's dildo, and proceeded to beat him profusely. (Why is there a dildo there? Who knows!)   
  
"Wait! Wait!!!" Quatre cried, "It wasn't my fault!"  
  
"Explain." Minako said, pausing in her ministrations.   
  
"Ami'sdownthehallandshewaskissingapainting," Quatre paused for breath, "ItmademynosebleedsoIrandownheretostopthebloodflow. I'm sorry Minako!"  
  
Then he turned those big baby blues up at Minako, all big and tearbright, his lower lip trembling, Minako's rage faded away. It was replaced by humiliation and embarrassment once she realized what she held in her hand.  
  
"Are you still mad?" Quatre asked, turning chibi and all cute-like.   
  
"No, Quatre. I'm not mad anymore."   
  
"Yay!" Quatre cried and un-chibied, bouncing away.   
  
Suddenly Makoto walked past, observed the scene, and said, "Hey, how'd _you_ get my dildo?"  
  
"I dunno. Here. Take it." Minako said, happy to get rid of the thing.   
  
Makoto, her dildo in hand, walked down the hall, in the direction Quatre had come from.   
************  
  
Makoto was so happy to have her dildo back! She'd missed it last night when Duo had failed to make her orgasm... _again._   
  
Suddenly she saw a certain blue-haired roommate up against a painting.   
  
Now Ami's top had been undone, and was lying loose across her shoulders. She was still making out with the painting.   
  
Seeing Ami like that made Makoto hot and bothered, so she had to go run off to her room, to play with her lost-and-found toy.  
**************  
AN: ....So bad. I feel bad writing this. But I am anyway.... Consider it an act of defiance against the typical fic.   
**************  
  
Minako, remembering what Quatre had said, wondered if he was now a dillusional psycho, or if Ami really was making out with a painting. She decided to find out.   
  
Walking down the same hall where Makoto had gone, and where Quatre had come from, Minako scanned the wall for any brainiacs making out with inanimate objects.   
  
The plush carpeting made her steps near soundless, as the light made her shadow elongate across the wall.   
  
Up ahead she could see Ami, plastered against a wall, like white on rice. She walked up behind her and rested against the opposite wall.   
  
"Huh. So it is true.." Minako murmured.   
  
Ami turned around sluggishly, and slowly pinpointed Minako. Mina noticed that her top was unbuttoned and hanging loosely, but still thankfully covering up her breasts.   
  
"Oh, hi Minako..." Ami said slowly.   
  
"Hi Ames. You havin' fun?"   
  
"Oh yeah.... Is it normal to make out with i-in-inano- non-alive things?" Ami asked, stumbling over some words.   
  
"Oh yeah. Don't worry about it. I do it all the time. Your still perfectly normal." Minako told her. With those words Mina turned and bounced back down the hall.   
  
Ami went back to kissing her painting.   
*************  
  
Wufei and Rei walked down the hallway, each with towels slung across their necks, talking quietly about different fighting moves. They'd just finished a wonderful sparring match in the gym.   
  
While turning a corner they ran into Ami.   
  
Ami who was standing there, shirt wide open, revealing pert little breasts, her mouth and tongue working feverishly on a painting.   
Wufei stood there, completely and utterly shocked. His mouth was wide open, and his eyes bugged out of his head. Ami was making out with a painting! It just didn't make sense.   
  
Rei also stood there in a catatonic state, shaking her head and trying to speak, but finding she had no voice. Finally Wufei snapped her out of it.   
  
"Let's move along..." He spoke quietly, and looked at the floor. Well, she supposed he was embarrassed by what he'd seen.   
  
Hah! Embarrassed wasn't even the half of it! How would he ever be able to look Ami in the eye again?   
  
The two separated silently, going down different corridors.   
***********  
AN: Are you all going to kill me? Cuz I wouldn't blame you.  
***********  
Wufei looked down at himself, his entire face ablaze, and wasn't surprised to see that he'd become hard.   
  
Seeing Ami like that, combined with years of sexual repression had left him excitable if a person touched him a certain way.   
  
Wufei, not looking where he was going, ran straight into someone.   
  
He looked up into the amethyst eyes of Duo Maxwell. He was grinning like a idiot... again.   
  
"Gee, Wu-man, didn't know you were so happy to see me." Duo said in that voice of his. Duo glanced down at his hard-on again, that smirk still on his face.   
  
All of the sudden Duo got an idea.   
  
He pushed Wufei into a nearby bedroom, and locked the door. "Wha?-" Wufei began, but was cut off as Duo kissed him.   
  
And from there they became closely related to the rabbit family.   
***********   
AN: Okay? Is everyone still alive? More importantly, am I? ::checks own pulse:: Yes, it is confirmed. I am alive.  
***********  
  
After separating from Wufei, Rei had started walking at a very fast pace to escape the images that kept crowding her mind.   
  
Dirty images. Nasty thoughts. Mostly concerning other women.   
  
In her haste Rei didn't notice the opening of a door or Makoto stepping outside.   
  
She ran right into her.   
  
"O-Oh sorry Mako... I didn't mean to...." Rei trailed off, looking at her friend's appearance.   
  
She looked mussed up. Her hair was down, coming around her in soft waves, and her clothes were wrinkled. She looked decidedly sexy.  
  
"Um....." Makoto began, but was cut off.   
  
Rei pressed her mouth up to her friends, taking advantage of her open mouth, slipping her tongue inside. She explored the dark, cavernous depths thoroughly.   
  
Makoto moaned and buried her fingers in Rei's hair, pulling her closer. _God, this is just what I need!_ Makoto thought triumphantly.   
  
The two broke apart for air, and Makoto turned to Rei with a gleam in her eyes. "C'mon..." She murmured, and the two girls disappeared inside Makoto's room.   
*************  
AN: Heh heh..... That was more descriptive than I had intended....   
*************  
  
Wufei and Duo were sprawled on the guest room's bed, both naked from head to toe.   
  
"So Wufei," Duo began, using his real name, "What happened?"   
  
"Ami's down the hall. Shirtless." Was Wufei's simple answer.   
  
"Oh." Duo answered.   
  
Suddenly the energetic self-proclaimed Shinigami sprang up and got dressed.   
  
"Where're you going?" Wufei asked sleepily.   
  
"Down to the kitchen. My original destination." Duo replied, sliding out of the room.  
  
Duo whistled a content little tune as he strolled down the hallway.   
  
Upon passing a certain blue-haired girl, Duo gave her glance, and said softly, "Go Ami..."   
**************  
  
Usagi came inside from her date with Mamo-baka- opps, I mean Mamo-_chan_ - and began walking up to her room.   
  
She stopped when she saw Ami in the hall, and took off screaming back the way she came, careening into Trowa.   
  
"What's wrong Bunny-chan?" He asked softly.   
  
"Ami-" She began, "Ami is...."   
  
"What is she in danger? Because if she is I'll save her." He said in that stupid superhero voice.   
  
Suddenly Trowa triwled around like a Sim, and stood before Usagi in a completely different outfit.   
  
Usagi stared at Trowa, shook her head, and resumed her screaming and running.   
  
Trowa walked off in the direction she had come from, wearing green speedos over orange tights, and a purple plastic body armor thing on his chest. His purple cape flapped behind him wildly, and as he passed by Minako she swooned, clutching her hand to her heart like it was beating too fast.   
  
Trowa stopped abruptly when he came to see Ami, then puffed out his chest and shouted. "Hey! Your not in danger!" Then he dove out the window, thinking he could fly.   
  
Surprising thing happened after that... he crashed on the ground, twitiching.   
************  
  
Hotaru and Heero were down in the dining room listening to Quatre tell them his tale of woe.   
  
Hotaru rolled her eyes periodically and shot Heero several 'You-Believe-This' looks.   
  
Heero's face remained impassive, except for when his lips would twitch every once in a while, fighting not to break into a smile.   
  
"So what you're telling me is," Heero began, "You saw Ami upstairs makin' it with a painting?"   
  
"That's exactly what I'm saying!" Quatre shouted, relief apparent in his voice.   
  
"Quatre. You're probably hallucinating," Hotaru told him, "Come on, we'll all go upstairs and I'll prove to you that Ami was not making out with a painting."   
  
All three stood up from the table, and, with Hotaru in the lead, they went upstairs back down the dreaded hallway.   
  
"See Quatre? No Ami." Hotaru said just as they were walking past Ami, who was _still_ making out with the painting. Heero and Hotaru both did a double-take, and then walked up to Ami.   
  
Quatre stopped in his tracks where he was, and gulped.   
  
Hotaru pulled the suctioned-Ami off the paper, and turned her around. "Ami, making out with paintings is bad." Hotaru said sternly.   
  
Heero went up behind Quatre and pushed him toward Ami. "Yes," Heero agreed, "You might get... paper-poisoning."   
  
"Make out with Quatre," Hotaru ordered. With that Hotaru and Heero left, to do who knows what.   
  
One second after they turned their backs a shirtless Ami launched herself at Quatre, kissing him wildly. Quatre stumbled back a few steps, until they bumped into Ami's bedroom door. Reaching behind him, Ami opened the door, and the two tumbled inside. They proceeded to do some very nasty things.   
  
*Fin*   
  
************  
  
AN: Don't kill me! Please! I just wanted to do a lighthearted fic where nothing was serious! Just chill, okay! And don't kill me for the yaoi, and the yuri. I mean, I warned you. If you read it that's your problem.   
  
If you're gonna flame me tho expect to get bitched right back at ya. Bye bye!   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
